Don’t Piss On My Leg And Tell Me It’s Raining

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Damn near got matching tattoos
But you said they ran out of ink
My buddies all laugh at your name on my ass
And I ain’t got a clue what to think

We almost became man and wife
But your oil change just couldn’t wait
Told me you panicked and boinked the mechanic
It seems like you knew you’d be late

So don’t hand me cowpies and tell me they’re raisins
Don’t roast my hot dog and tell me it’s bacon
Somethin’ ain’t right accordin’ to my calculations
Don’t piss on my leg and tell me it’s rainin’

Bought you that new diamond ring
You said it got lost in the street
So howcome I’m certain you went and returned it
For every cent on that receipt

Spent a weekend with my cousin
Family time was your story
Well it’s all fun and games until someone gets laid
Now it’s an episode of Maury

So don’t hand me cowpies and tell me they’re raisins
Don’t roast my hot dog and tell me it’s bacon
Somethin’ ain’t right accordin’ to my calculations
Don’t piss on my leg and tell me it’s rainin’

So don’t bring me Twinkies and tell me you made ‘em
Don’t make up games and expect me to play ‘em
I may not know much but I’m pretty sure you’re mistaken
Don’t piss on my leg and tell me it’s rainin’

 - September 2020 -                                                                                                               #398